Support
by RISVULove
Summary: Unexpected disaster strikes the Cabot family and Alex needs support more than ever, from Casey and from their daughter Andi. Illness/Death/Angst. No major character death but it's a major impact on the characters. Eventual happy ending after a lot of hurt-comfort.
1. Chapter 1

**Support:**

I lay back into my office chair a heavy sigh going through me and then I hear my cell

I grab the phone and see her name printed across the front

"Hey baby" I say hitting call and I hear the smile in her voice

"Mama, is there any chance I could be a little late tonight?"

I look to the time on the laptop, 5pm

"How late Andi? I don't like you being out in the city too late"

The teenager sighs "Mama, I'm seventeen, I can protect myself"

"I know you can baby girl but I just like being careful, what time were you thinking?"

"Around eight?"

"Okay. I'll meet you at the library at eight"

"Thanks Mama"

"No problem baby, be careful"

"I will"

She disconnects the call and I get back to my files and within what feels like minutes there's a knock on the door

"Alex, you ready?" Casey walks in, briefcase in hand and I smile and close over the file

"I'm very ready"

"Long day?" She asks sitting into the chair in front of me and I nod

"Very long day. By the way, Andi, she's staying in the city until eight"

"Eight?"

"Yeah. I told her I'd pick her up at the library"

"It's a little late in the city, no?"

"She's seventeen Casey, we need to loosen the reigns slightly. Next year she'll be an adult, a grown woman-"

Casey puts her hand up "Woah, no,no. Stop it. Don't say things like that. She's our baby, not an adult"

I smile at her and shake my head "Stuck in the past sweetheart?"

"I'm just hating the idea of watching Andi grow up"

"And what we haven't been doing that the last seventeen years?"

She sighs "You know what I mean Al"

"Okay, well how about we forget this for now? Right now it's," I check my cell "just after six, we have a whole full hour at home alone. We could have a nice relaxing bath and you could have some wine"

"I'll collect Andi, you deserve the drink it's been a long week"

I kiss her cheek and take her hand into mine

"Let's go home"

xx

The phones ringing when we get in and Casey scowls

"Who's calling the house phone? No one calls the house"

I shrug and connect the call

"Alexandra?"

I smile hearing his soft voice on the phone "Daddy, hi. God, I haven't spoken to you in a few weeks. Everything alright?"

"Yes dear, fine. I was actually wondering if you were free this weekend?"

"Um.. Yeah, well Andi has a soccer game in the afternoon but other than that Casey and I are both off work. Why? What's up?"

"Nothing. Your Mother and I just want to visit. We miss the three of you, Andi especially"

"Well I'm sure it'd be no problem Daddy. Andi's match is at 1 if you think you'll be down by then?"

"Yeah, your Mom wants to set off early we should be there for the match. That's great Al, we'll see you all in the morning then. Send our love to the family"

"Yeah, see you then. Love you Daddy. Tell Mom too"

"Will do baby. See you"

"Yeah, bye"

I sit into the couch and Casey looks me over and sits in beside me

"What's wrong Al?" She asks and I shake my head

"T-They're coming up tomorrow"

"Your parents?"

I nod and she sits looking at me, still extremely confused. There's a long pause and Casey squeezes my wrist

"C'mon what's going on in your head? What's so odd about your parents coming to visit?"

"Casey when was the last time they came?"

"Last Christmas?" She still doesn't understand my train of thought

"The time before that was last Christmas too, they never come during the year unless it's a big birthday for one of us"

"So what? They miss you? They want to see us, I don't understand why you're so.. pessimistic, thinking there's something wrong. They want to see us, so what?"

"It's just a feeling I have Case.."

She runs her hands over my shoulders "Baby, relax. I'm sure nothing's wrong. If you feel that strongly call back and talk to your Dad about it. Trust me, everything's alright"

"Yeah, you're right.. Listen, I'm going to go get Andi-"

"I'll go" Casey says and I stand

"No. I want to go. I need to get some stuff anyway"

"Let me come, I don't want you driving like that, you're shaken"

I nod and hand her the keys "Thank you"

"No problem sweetie"

xx

"Mama? What're you doing up?" Andi asks as she walks into the kitchen at what I assume is sometime around 3am

"Can't sleep An, what about you? Should you be asleep like, 4 hours ago?"

"Mom, it's Saturday night, it's lucky if I sleep at all"

I roll my eyes "No wonder you're tired so often"

She grabs a glass of milk from the fridge and sits across from me

"So, did you and Mom fight or something?"

I shake my head and take another mouthful of the glass of water in front of me "No, nothing like that baby"

"So what? I'm not a little kid Mama, you can talk to me"

"I know I can sweetheart. You're Grandma and Grandpa are coming to the city tomorrow"

"Oh my God! Yay! I haven't seen Grandma and Grandpa since Christmas!"

There's a smile on her face that I've never seen before, excitement beyond belief, then it flashes away and is replaced by a confused look

"So wait, what does that have to do with you still being up at 4am?"

"4am?!" I look at my cell, yep, 4:10am, yeah I should've slept tonight. I can't though, there's something niggling in the back of my mind that something's wrong

"Mama?" She urges me to answer and I shrug

"I just... I can't help but think there's something wrong. I'm just being silly And"

"I dunno, Grandma and Grandpa don't call to the city all that often. Maybe they just miss us?"

"Yeah... maybe. Now go to bed, and go to sleep Andi. I expect you to be awake when your Grandma and Grandpa get here"

She smiles "Okay. You should go to bed too, you look tired" she lingers at the kitchen door and I nod

"Okay. I'll go" I walk over and she kisses my cheek as I get to the door

"G'night Mama"

"Night sweetheart"


	2. Chapter 2

"Grandma! Grandpa!" Andi calls running into their arms and Casey squeezes my hand as I watch them hand Andi various presents and then I see the small box Mom hands her

"This is yours Andrea sweetheart" Mom says and Andi opens the small box, showing up the beautiful silver cross

"Oh..That's beautiful" she says handling the medium sized cross

"You've said for the last couple of years that you wanted a cross and well, I know it's early but consider it a birthday present"

"Nana" Andi's pet name for her Grandmother comes out and Mom smiles as Andi continues "it's beautiful. Thank you very much"

Mom kisses her cheek "No problem darling, now c'mon in and talk to me, how's school going? Any girlfriends or boyfriends we need to keep an eye on yet?"

"No Nana, not yet" Andi smiles "I'm trying to focus on soccer and school"

"Well that's a great girl, stay away as long as possible, at you're age relationships are nothing but hassle"

Dad walks over to me and Casey and pulls us into hugs and I let Casey's hand go and gesture for Daddy to follow me, which he does

"Everything alright baby?" He asks as we get into the kitchen and I bite my lip

"Daddy, what's going on? I know you didn't call up here for nothing. Is something wrong?"

"Alexandra, as far as I can tell there's nothing wrong. You're Mom said to me a couple of weeks ago that she misses you. I agreed so we planned the visit"

I shake my head "It doesn't add up Daddy! And I'm sick of hearing that you're just here for a visit.. That can't be it!"

"What? You find it that hard to believe that we want to see our daughter and her beautiful family?"

"No, I find it hard that you drop in out of the blue"

"We're your parents, we want to see you Alexandra"

"And don't get me wrong I'm delighted you're both here but Daddy... I'm really stressed out about this, if you know something's up please, just tell me"

"Alexandra I don't know what you want me to tell you? Maybe you should ask your Mom? But I can tell you she's just going to tell you what I did. Why else would we call darling?"

"I don't know.. Jesus, I must sound so paranoid Daddy.. It's a feeling and I don't usually get feelings like this. I mean, I feel like this with cases in work but never at home"

He shakes his head "Alex, listen to me, I know how you are. When you get all wound up and analysing everything, if I did know something, I'd tell you. I promise you, I don't know anything"

"So you're alright? Moms alright?"

"Alex if we weren't alright wouldn't you think that'd be the first thing we'd tell you? You're not a child, we don't have to keep stuff from you anymore"

"I'm sorry, I was just worried and stressed.." He takes my hand and pulls me close, kissing my cheek

"Sweetheart, you need to relax, not everything is going to end up horribly"

"So you're really just here for a visit?"

"We are. Alex, speak to your Mom, because I know by your eyes that you don't believe me"

I nod "I'll talk to her later, thanks Daddy"

"No problem Al, now c'mon, back out to the family. How's work?"

"Works... SVU. It's as good as sex crimes can be I guess"

"I thought you liked Special Victims?"

"I do, I do. I just, I think I need a change of pace"

He shakes his head "I think you're just tired darling, talking like that about the job you've been in for just over 20 years"

"I know.. I think I'd prefer to be home though, like early retirement"

"Wow.." He says in awe

"What?"

"Early retirement.. I never imagined I'd hear you say that"

I shrug "Just... thinking about it ya know?"

"Yeah, I know how you feel Al"

xx

"Alex?" Mom says from my bedroom door and I look back from my drawer

"Hey Mom" I smile "everything alright?"

She walks in and sits down on the bed "Your Father says you think we have an ulterior motive in being here.. You do know we're not spies Alex"

"Of course I do Mom... I just, I was so worried something was wrong, you and Dad, you don't usually call around all that much and well, I was assuming there was an underlying reason"

"Alex, sweetheart, sit down with me"

I stop sifting through the drawers and sit in beside Mom

"Alexandra, since you were a child I knew you'd be content when you grew up. I knew you'd have a thriving family, successful job.. To be honest, I never actually imagined I'd feel this proud of you. Don't get me wrong I knew l'd be proud but the feeling I have when I hear you or Case won you case or Andi's team captain in soccer... It's amazing Alexandra. The love I have for you and your family it's astounding. I love you"

I smile and kiss her cheek "Mom, I love you too more than anything but I need you to tell me if there's something wrong"

"There's nothing wrong Al, everything's great" Mom smiles and slips her hand into mine "I promise you, everything's great baby. Hey how about we go out for dinner after Andi's game? My treat?"

"Dinner sounds great Mom, let's go to Marks around the block, I know how much you love it there"

She just smiles and pulls me in close to her, no words being needed.

With every second the silent hug goes on the worse the feeling gets in my stomach

I'm not wrong here. I know there's something fishy, but they won't tell me. I guess it's none of my business...


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Thank you all for the follows, favourites and reviews. I'd love if I could get more reviews though if you wouldn't mind, they really encourage me to write, and I'll definitely need encouragement this week with all the exams I have in school so reviews would be great!

xx

"Alex, it's late, lie down. You sitting there is starting to worry me" Casey's voice echoes through the dark room sounding as tired as I feel and I scowl

"Sleep then"

"Don't you think I would if I could?" She says softly "I'm worried about you. This unnecessary stress you're putting on yourself is worrying me"

"Unnecessary? Really?! Casey you of all people know how wound up this is making me. I have this feeling, I'm not wrong Casey, I know there's something going on"

"And what good is sitting up doing? Sitting staring at the back wall won't make them tell you. You're going to make yourself sick if you don't stop, in the last 48 hours you've sleep about 2 hours at the most, you have to be exhausted. Please, at least come and lie with me, I want to hold you"

I sigh and get out of the chair, walking over to the bed I crawl in beside her, to her relief

The second I'm lying down she wraps her arms around me and pulls me in close, my face nestling into the crook of her neck

"I'm scared Casey" I admit after a long silence

She rests her hand on my head and after a second gently runs her fingers through my hair

"Baby, it's okay to be scared but if there is something going on they are choosing not to tell you for a good reason"

"But what if it's serious?"

"You need to respect their decision. They don't want you to be worried-"

"But I am"

"And you shouldn't be. Alex, what if it's nothing? We need to consider the possibility that this is just a visit"

"It's not.."

xx

"Rebecca, I hate doing this but I need to talk to you" I hear Casey say to Mom in the living room and I immediately drop the washing I was about to bring outside and rest against the door

"Yes dear, about what?"

"Alex"

I hear a heavy sigh from Mom "Casey, she's worried isn't she?"

"Yeah, it's bad. She's hardly sleeping, the only thing I've seen her eat since you guys said you were calling was the two slices of pizza after Andi's game yesterday. She's going to make herself sick, I'm really worried. Are you both really just here for a visit or is there something else?"

I hate that they're talking about me. Hate it, but I guess I am acting pretty crazy. Anyway Mom might open up to Casey about why they're actually here quicker than she'd open up to me so maybe this talk isn't the worst idea

"Casey, I wanted to see the three of you. I missed you all so much and I really think over the last few years we should've called more. That's why we called, I wanted to see my family"

"Thank you" I hear the smile in Casey's voice and Mom continues

"Dear, you don't need to look so surprised, you're family. You've made my Alex the happiest I've ever seen her and you gave her beautiful Andrea. You've always been family dear"

I hear the tremble in Casey's voice as she thanks Mom again and suddenly I jump feeling a hand on my shoulder. I spin around and see Daddy smiling

"You spying?" He whispers and I nod

"I know I shouldn't be-"

"You're worried. I understand"

We turn our attention back to the living room and I catch the end of what I assume to be Moms speech to Casey

"-I can see how much you love her. She's your whole world, like James is for me. Listen Casey, I can tell you are, the fact that you came to me about Alexandra being worried shows you are but please promise me you'll take care of her. She gets wound up over the littlest of things and well, I worry about her. I always have. I don't want her to become overly stressed"

"I'll take care of her Rebecca. Her and Andi, you don't need to worry about that"

"I knew you would. You're parents must be so proud of you Casey. Such a fine woman with an amazing family"

"Oh you're making my head swell" Casey laughs and Mom joins in

"I don't say it enough to you Casey but I do love you as if you were my own"

"I love you too Rebecca"

xx

"Andi help Grandma with her bag" Casey urges and Andi takes the bag from her Grandmothers grip

"Here Nana, I'll take it"

"Thank you dear"

"You sure you've got everything?" I ask as we get down to the car

"Yes Alex, I packed myself" Mom smiles at me and I shake my head, a smirk on my face

"I was just checking" I hold up my hands and Casey smiles and takes my hand into hers as they fall back to my sides

"Come here Andi" Mom says and I raise an eyebrow, she's never usually 'Andi' to Mom it's always 'Andrea'

"You, my beautiful baby granddaughter, take this.." She hands her a small envelope "Don't open it yet, and not in front of them two either" she nods to me and Casey "it's for you Andi, okay? Just you"

"Okay. Thank you Nana" Andi hugs Mom close and Mom holds the embrace and kisses the girls cheek

"I'll see you next time, okay? It shouldn't be too long this time"

"Good. I love seeing you and Grandpa"

Daddy smiles and hugs her close "As we love seeing you darling. Take care"

Casey and I step forward and Casey hugs Daddy as I hug Mom

"See you next time Mom. Maybe later in the month? We might call out in a few weeks, we'll get some time off"

"I'd love that Al, I really would" she smiles and kisses my cheek "You stay calm now, stop being so stressed out, it'll kill you"

I smile "I'm okay Mom, honestly"

"That's my girl. Now, let me hug that wife of yours" she pats my back and I move over and hug Daddy, saying our goodbyes

We pull apart and I notice Casey and Mom talking between themselves, quieter now, probably about me

"We'll see you all later, alright?" Daddy smiles and opens the door for Mom to sit into the car, chivalrous as ever

"Bye Grandpa, bye Grandma" Andi calls and we all say our various goodbyes.

I make a mental note to book time off in the next couple off weeks, I really should go back home for a few days.

xx

"Uh... Mama, Mom?" Andi stands at the door her face paled over and shaking

"You look sick baby, sit down" Casey immediately guides her to the couch "what's wrong?"

"I don't think I should tell you. Nana asked me not to b-but, that envelope she gave me, it has...a-a..cheque for twenty five thousand dollars in it"

"IT WHAT?!" Casey screams and takes the paper from Andi's hand "Oh Jesus, Al, it actually has twenty five thousand dollars on it"

"Why on earth would Mom give her that? It's not for college because Mom knows about the college fund we set up.."

"She's said in the letter that it's for me to spend on myself.." Andi offers and I shake my head

"Show me the letter" I say and Andi bites her lip

"Sorry Mama, I can't.. Nana wrote that I wasn't even supposed to tell you about the money. I can't show you her letter"

"Okay, am I the only one finding this odd?" I ask "she just gave our seventeen year old twenty five thousand dollars, there's something going on. I'm calling her-"

Casey grabs my wrist "No, Alex don't. She gave it to Andi for a reason and we need to accept it. Andi, listen to me, you are not spending this money, we're lodging it into an account and when you're eighteen if you want to blow it all, that's your mistake but not now. We provide for you now"

Andi nods "I was actually going to ask if you'd lodge it for me. I'd like to have some money in college"

I cup the girls cheek "I'm so proud of you baby"

"Thanks Mama"

"Go sort out your bag Andi, school tomorrow" Casey says and when Andi leaves Casey sits me into her lap

"Stop overthinking it. I can hear the gears turning in your head. She's being nice"

"She's not.. No, the money is nice, it's beyond nice but why would she just hand over that much money? Why now?"

"I don't know Al.. I really don't. Listen, it'll all be okay. Whatever's going on I'm sure they'll tell us when their ready"

"Yeah.. hopefully"


	4. Chapter 4

I feel her eyes on me, taking in my appearance

"Al, sweetheart you can't go into work today" she says and I meet her eyes as I stand from my seat on the side of the bed

"Why not?" I say, relieved I obviously look as bad as I feel

She doesn't answer, she just pulls me into her arms and holds me. I feel her soothing breaths hit my neck and her hand draws lazy patterns on my back

"You're tired" she says calmly "shattered. You're the colour of death in the face. You need to stay home. I'll tell Liz, okay? Don't worry"

"Case, there's something wrong-"

She nods and sits me back down "Listen to me. You are going to make yourself sick. Alex, you need to rest. I know your stressed, I get it. I'm worried too Al but you need to calm down. Please, just get back into bed and relax today. You need rest"

xx

I wake up from my sleep to the shrill ring of the house phone from the living room

I run half dazed to the living room grab the phone from the table, connecting the call

"Hello?" I mumble still waking up and I hear a sigh on the end of the phone

"Ally"

My heart stops. Hearing his voice, a voice I haven't heard in years.

"Will.. H-Hi. How've you been?"

"Personally, I'm okay...Actually Al, there's a reason I'm calling"

"Okay? Is everything okay? -No that's silly, you wouldn't be calling if something wasn't up. What's going on?"

"Dad asked me to call Al, it's Mom"

I sit into the couch, my whole world crashing in around me. I knew something was wrong. Of course there was

"W-Why, what's wrong?" I ask and I hear the door behind me open and a voice I can't quite make out call up the hall

"Moms sick Alex-"

"-I know that. Well, I guessed, I didn't know. What's wrong?"

"Cancer-"

"-what? Ca-" I can't even say it, I feel physically sick, I'm going to throw up

"Mama?" I spin around and see Andi looking at me, concern etched on her face

"Andi, go upstairs"

"Mama-"

"Go!"

She stomps upstairs and I turn my attention back to my younger brother

"I-Is it... I mean can she-?"

"Al, honey, she kept it from us. Due to the progression of the cancer they think she's had it for roughly two years"

My eyes fall shut "Two... years"

"Alex, I'm on my way back to the States. Dad called and asked me to tell you, you better make your way home, we're not sure how long she has"

"Days?"

"Maybe.."

"I'm packing now, we'll be there by tonight"

"You're bringing your family? Even Andi?"

"You know Andi?"

I hear the smile in his voice "Ally, we don't talk all that much but I do keep up to date with your life"

I make a mental note to bring it up with him about talking more "I'm bringing Andi and Casey. If she only has days they need to say goodbye"

"That's a good idea. Listen, I need to go my plane is departing but I'll see you when we get to the house...I love you Alex"

"I love you too Will"

I disconnect the call and sit rooted to the couch. The first time my estranged brother and I have talked in years he calls me and tells me our Mothers dying, our Mother who was only here yesterday. Our Mother who, sure looked bad, but didn't complain about aches or pains..

How could she only have been here yesterday and now the home aid nurses reckon she only has days to live? How?

I stand onto shaky legs, this and all the other thought racing through my mind and I make my way up to Andi's room. I was extremely snappy with her and I really had no right. I'll need to apologise and.. explain this.

How will I explain this? Her grandmothers dying. There no way of explaining that..

I get to the door and knock, not hearing her reply I walk in

I find her doing homework with her headphones in, explaining not hearing the knock

I walk over and rest my hand on her shoulder making her jump slightly and when she sees me she calms and pops out a headphone, but chooses not to say anything, probably not wanting to be snapped at again

"And', sweetie, I need to talk to you"

I feel tears pool in my eyes and she obviously notices

"Mama? What's wrong? Is Mom okay?" She looks around desperately despite being in her bedroom and I nod

"Mom's fine baby. I-It's actually Nana.."

"Oh?"

I sigh and take her hand "Baby, she's not well. Nana's sick, but she never told us. It doesn't look good baby, we have to go back to my family home as soon as we can pack"

"Why? W-What... what's making her so sick?"

"She has, um, cancer sweetheart" even saying it now, it doesn't feel real, it really doesn't feel real

"Cancer? Where?"

I run my hand through her hair "I'm not sure baby. We'll know more when we get there"

"A-And, what? You said it doesn't look good? Does that mean she'll..." She can't finish her sentence, the tears she tried desperately to hold back begin flowing down her cheeks and I pull her into my arms

"Yeah, Nana's dying Andi"

She clutches to me, not letting go of the t-shirt I'm wrapped in and I'm quite happy to spend several minutes comforting the girl. This'll be the first real person she's lost.

A woman she's so close too.. God my poor girl.

I kiss her cheek and pull away slightly "I need you to pack some things baby, 3 changes of clothes and.. an all black outfit. I need to call your Mom and get her to get me and her some time off and get her home"

Andi nods and immediately begins throwing random outfits together, obviously not caring how she looks, that is except for the black outfit, I see her take a black dress from her closet, I recognise it as one Mom bought for her and smile sadly to myself, I can never get Andi into a dress, count on now for her to take initiative.

I leave the room and hold speed dial one, Casey.

After a couple of rings the call connects and I've never been happier to hear her loving tone

"Hey Al"

"Casey. You need to come home" I say gravely and I only realise how bad it sounds when I hear the panic in her voice as she replies

"W-What, why? I'll be straight there. Are you okay? Is Andi okay?"

"We're fine. Mom's dying Case. Will just called and told me because Dad couldn't.. We need to go to the house. Can y-you get us some time off?"

She breathes out heavily "Oh Alex, sweetheart. I'll be right home. You can pack some clothes for me if your anxious to go. We can go straight on from when I get home if you'll be ready?"

"I will. Please get me a lot of time off. I don't know when I'll be back"

"You know Liz. She'll give you as long as you need baby. I'll go find her now. I'll be home as quick as I can okay?"

"Okay... Thanks Case. I love you"

"Love you too Al"

xx

AN: Thank you all for the reviews, please keep them up I love the feedback I get. As I said reviews are great motivation to write, it's nice to know people actually care for the story.


	5. Chapter 5

"Al.."

I look across to Casey in the driver seat and I'm met with a comforting look

"You should eat" she flashes her eyes to the sandwich in my lap "you haven't eaten all day"

"How do you-?"

"I know you Al, you spent today sleeping but you were still worried. Please, eat something. Just a little"

I nod and unwrap the tuna sandwich, even the thought of eating makes me queasy, I don't know how she expects me to eat all of this

"Andi you want half my sandwich?" I offer and I don't miss the look I get from Casey

"No thanks" she says barely loud enough and I bite my lip, that's the only thing she's said so far in the one hour of our journey

I lay my hand on Casey's leg "Pull over"

She pulls off and into the lay over and I stand out of the car and get into the back in beside Andi

She looks over to me and back to where she was focusing and I move into the middle

She, without even looking up to me buries into me and I wrap my arms around her, comforting her slightly

She stays in that position for the rest of the journey, I even think she slept a little over the three and a half hours. A relief to me, since I can't sleep at least Andi can.

Casey pulls into the family home and as the car rolls to a stop it hits me, this'll be the last time I'll come up this drive and my Mom will be alive

Casey stands out and I lay my hand on Andi's side "Baby, we need to go in. C'mon, we'll see Nana"

She stands out of the car and I follow her lead, the silence between the three of us heightening the already strained atmosphere that is until we get to the door and Casey takes my hand

"I love you Alex. I'm here" she whispers against my ear and I fall into her arms, her comfort being exactly what I need in the moment.

xx

They've left me alone with her, she's sleeping at the minute but I'm not blind I can see her visibly deteriorating before me

She has no make up on today and I see how pale she really is, I see what she was really covering up

The pain my mother must've been in, what she went through privately, not telling any of us

Daddy was just as shocked to find out as we were, apparently Mom only told him last night.

I believe him, he's clearly cut up about it, lost. I see it in his eyes when he looks at her lying there barely alive.

I pull the faded leather chair in closer to the bed and gently run my hand through her hair

"God, Mom... You must've been terrified. Why didn't you tell me? I understand if you didn't want everyone to know but I could've helped Mom.."

Her eyes flutter and her mouth forms a straight thin line, looking in pain. She's giving me the smallest of response and I kiss her cheek with a barely there press of my lips

"It's alright Mom. It's okay I'm here"

"-Ally?" I hear a broken voice from behind me and I look back to my brother

He's obviously aged since I've seen him last, it's been years but I wasn't prepared, he's a man. My younger brother is a man. His blonde hair is cut tight to his head and his cheeks look tearstained and I remember why we're meeting again

I stand and walk to him, pulling him into my arms

"Baby brother"

He rests his head on my shoulder "I've missed you" I barely hear and I nod

"I missed you too Will"

He throws a glance to Mom and I see the tears well up again

"She... I.." He starts and stops himself "Can she hear us?"

"I think so" I nod and he sighs

"Okay.."

He walks over but I stay at the door and decide to give him some time alone

I slip out after announcing I'd be outside but I think the statement fell on deaf ears, he was so shocked to see Mom the way she was I think he was stuck in his thoughts

I'm met in the hall by Casey who smiles sadly "How's he taking it?"

"He's.. shaken" is my simple reply and she ushers me into the chair Daddy left in the hall for whoever needs some time out. It's only then I realise I haven seen him in a while "Where's Daddy?"

"He needed air. Him and Andi are gone for a walk"

I sit in silence with her looking me over and after a minute I look up to her "Is Andi.. okay? I know she's not good but.. has she spoken to you?"

Casey nods "She's talked to me, she's upset, obviously and it's still sinking in with her. She's never really lost anyone, it'll take some time. But.. erm, she said she doesn't want to talk to you because she's afraid she'll upset you"

In that moment I thank God we have such a kind and caring daughter, a girl who couldn't be anymore like Casey if she tried

"She can always come to me, ya know? I thought she knew that. Like I know I'm upset but that's not going to change if she talks to me. I'd probably feel better if she talked to me, I want to help her through this"

"That's basically what I told her. I knew you'd have that response"

I sit her into my lap, looping my arms around her waist

"Thank you" I pause and after a slightly confused look from Casey I continue "For being here. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you. Just having you here makes me feel so much stronger. Thank you"

She kisses my cheek "I love you Alex, you and your Mom. We're all family and family support each other"

I do my best to hold back tears and she notices, one of the perks of knowing someone for as long as I know Casey

"Cry sweetheart, it's okay. I haven't seen you cry since we got here. You don't have to be strong now, let it out"

She moves her hands up to my face and cups my cheeks, gently brushing away the steady falling tears

"It's okay Al"

At that moment the hall door opens and Daddy and Andi walk, eyes rimmed red.

Andi notices I'm crying and shies away but Casey stands from my lap and silently converses with Andi.

The girl walks over and sits into the 'seat' Casey just vacated and wraps her arms around me

"It's okay Mama" she says with as much composure as she can muster and I pull her in tighter

"You know you can talk to me Andi, always"

Andi looks over to Casey who then points back to me, obviously not noticing my view of the gesture

"...I don't know why she didn't say anything Mama. I don't understand. I mean, they could've done chemo... Why would she just leave it?"

I look her in the eye "I have a theory"

At this Daddy and Casey look up and I continue

"Your Grandma's mother, she had breast cancer and she died when Nana was your age"

"But how does that have anything to do with this?" Andi asks and I take a deep breath

"Because it wasn't the cancer that killed her- it was the radiation. In them times things weren't as advanced as now, medical procedures weren't as advanced as they are now. The radiation leaked into her bloodstream. It was the exposure that killed her, not the cancer and well the death was painful to say the least. I think Nana didn't say anything because she was afraid Andi.. That's the only reasoning I have"

Its the only thing that makes this easier to understand

"Wow" Casey says from beside Daddy and I loon over and see him, studying the ring on his finger

"You should go back in Daddy, Will's in there"

He nods and walks in and I turn to Casey, Andi still holding me tight

"He's really hit hard"

She nods and runs her hand through Andi's hair

"If I was in his position, I would be too"

xx

AN: Hi everyone. Thank you for the reviews. Can I just say, I'd love if I could get more feedback on this. I can see the amount of reads each of the chapters are getting and to be getting 2 reviews on chapters I'm putting a lot of effort in is quiet disheartening..

I'd really appreciate if I could get more feedback. Thank you.


	6. Chapter 6

"Al.. We're calling the nurses" Daddy says and I look down to Mom, her breathing's more laboured now, every breath is like a struggle. That as well as the morphine the nurses have had her on since Tuesday.

During the week she got worse, we nearly lost her Monday and Tuesday night. Now, it's Saturday, this day last week she was in my home, she was watching Andi play soccer, eating pizza. Not a care in the world, that I knew of.

Now look. What a difference.

The home aid nurses call out a lot. They change medicines, check vitals, things like that.

They say it's just a matter of time now.

She's in a medically induced coma.

You know it's funny, you hear that phrase in every medical show ever aired, read it in lots of drama books but you really don't understand it until someone you love is in that position.

Will reckons she can't hear us anymore, but I'm not so sure. Yesterday Andi and I were praying by her bedside (praying, something I don't do very often) and I swear I saw Mom smile.

The crackly breaths she takes (morphine side effects I think the nurse said) break my heart

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Watching my own mother die before me.

Casey sits in beside me and slips her hand into mine and we sit in silence until I turn to her

"Not long left now" I say matter of fact-ly and Casey nods

"The nurses'll be here soon"

I nod and look around the room "Andi?"

"Outside. I really don't think she can deal.."

I bite my lip and stand from the seat "Stay here with Daddy?"

I walk out into the hall and see Andi sitting on the ground, her head in her hands

My heart shatters seeing her, she's so devastated, heartbroken. I sit in beside her and she looks up, shocked slightly seeing me in beside her

We both sit in silence and then I clear my throat

"Andi? Sweetheart.. Talk to me"

I offer my hand to her, which she takes and she plays with the ring on my finger

"I'm okay Mama" she says in the most unconvincing voice I've ever heard

"Sweetie none of us are okay. C'mon, what's going on in your head?"

"How's Grandpa going to cope here Mama? When Nana goes.. how will he keep going? They're never apart. They spend all day every day together. He'll be lost without her"

She's right. They do everything together. The only thing Daddy can actually cook for himself is fries, he can't use the ATM.. He will be lost, Andi's right

"Andi, I know he'll be lost and it's going to be really hard but we need to help him as much as we can. I think I might ask him to stay with us for a while, him being here alone it won't be good for him"

She lays in closer to me, resting her head in my shoulder "Did you see what's in the back of the spare bedroom door?"

I scowl and shake my head "No? What?"

"Nana must've bought her Christmas outfit already.. the new red and black cardigan is hanging up, tags and everything still on...It cost a fortune Mama, like all my clothes put together"

I smile to myself and nod "That's your Nana alright. High end." A minute passes and I sigh and look the girl in the eye "Andi, the nurses will be here soon and they're going to just increase Nana's morphine levels until well... she doesn't feel anything. Eventually her body'll just shut down"

"So it won't hurt? She won't be in any pain?"

"No baby she won't"

I hear the break in her voice as she tries to keep her tears at bay "How're you so calm? I mean, if that was me... I don't even want to think about it"

"I'm numb Andi... believe me, it'll hit me eventually" I say extremely monotone and she looks up to me

"Where did Uncle Will go?"

"He'll be back shortly. He had to collect Aunt Carolyn from the train. She flew over when she knew how bad it was"

"Oh.. He'll be here when... it happens won't he?"

"Yeah. Of course he will Andi. Don't worry about that, we'll all be in there. Well, if you want to be?"

She nods and gets to her feet "Can we go in now?"

"Sweetheart, you can come and go whenever you want"

"I love you Mama" she pulls me into her arms as I stand from the ground and I wrap her in my arms

"I love you too Andi. Now, you ready?"

"Yeah. I'm ready"

xx

I watch her, this has cut her up a lot more than I thought it would. I suppose what I reassure her with is right, she's family. Mom's her family too.

She slips her hand into Mom's and smooths back her dark blonde hair, no words being said, the gesture in itself being words enough.

I see her wipe away stray tears slipping down her cheek and I slip in behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist "Baby, it's okay"

"Shouldn't I be the one saying that to you?" She asks not dating to face me, sounding more angry than anything and I run my hand along her her side

"You're family too"

Andi walks over and sits on the side of the bed laying her hand over Casey's and Mom's

"You alright?" She aims the question at both of us and we nod in response, Casey looping her free arm around her shoulder

"Baby girl.. I love you"

"Love you too Mom"

There's a knock on the door and two nurses who I assume are Darleen and Grace, as I've been told by Will, flash us a sad smile and walk over, checking Mom's vitals and when their done Grace walks over and offers her hand

"Miss Cabot, I'm your mothers nurse, Grace. I'm very sorry to meet you under these circumstances"

I shake her hand "Grace. I really appreciate everything you're doing for my Mom"

"It's all part of what I do Alex" she says sincerely and I smile weakly

"So.. Grace. Are you two, are.." I sigh and blink back my tears "are you going to do it now?"

"We'll do it whenever you're all ready Alex, no rush"

The nurses and the three of us look to Mom who's rapidly getting worse, her breathing has slowed right down to around 6 breaths in a minute

Daddy, Will and Carolyn join us and the nurses get to work, setting injections, making Mom as comfortable as possible

They pull back and after a couple of minutes and we all look to them. I'm not quite sure what we were all expecting of them but they just nod and we all just wait, wait for nature to take it's course

After ten minutes of thinking every breath is her last we're met by her actual last breath

My Father cries his heart out as well as Will, Carolyn and Andi

I move and stand in the corner of the room, Casey following after me and it's only when she pulls me in that I cry

I let all the pent up emotions of the last few days out. I wail into her and she hugs me close rocking me in her arms

"Oh Alexandra baby.. I'm so sorry" she soothes and I squeeze her tighter

I just need my wife.

That's it, I need the comfort that only my wife can give me.


	7. Chapter 7

I'm still numb.

I look down to the loose soil, the cold ground where my Mother is resting and it all still doesn't feel like it's happening. It feels like I'm a witness to this, witness to this cruel reality.

All the mourners have long gone, my Father included. Him, Will, Carolyn and Andi went back to the house leaving me and Casey alone, sitting in the cemetery. It's been over an hour now since they've all left and we've hardly spoken, both too caught up in our own thoughts I guess

"Ya know," I start and her eyes meet mine "I never really told you much about my childhood"

She smiles "No. Not really"

"The things Will and I used to do!" I scoff "I'm surprised we weren't killed!"

"Yeah? Like what?" She asks and I wrap my coat further around me

"Well, one night there was a disco in our old school. We were dying to go! I was 16 and Will 14. Mom didn't want us going, she knew what was going on at discos at that time and told us under no circumstance were we to go"

Casey smiles "I think I see where this is going"

"We went upstairs and made a plan. We were going to get dressed up and sneak out, I even got my friend to give us a ride. The disco was great, far better than I expected. I actually met my first girlfriend at it and Will got some action too. That was until Mom came in.."

"Oh Jesus!" Casey laughs "she actually came in?!"

"Oh she did more than that, she got up on stage, stopped the band playing, took their microphone and called us outside"

"That's priceless! Oh my God! I hope Andi knows that story, so if she sneaks out when we say no she'll know what to expect"

"She knows" I smile and Casey takes my hand

"Why did you and Will stop talking?"

The smile on my lips rapidly disappears and I see her start to take back her question

"No, Case, it's okay. Well, uh.. see Cabot's have a certain standard. When we go to college we're expected to study law, medicine something big, ya know?"

She nods and I continue

"Okay. Well, me being older went to college first obviously, studying law and then when it got to Will he told the family he didn't want that, he wanted to travel. Dad was furious, he knew what was best, or he thought he did. He told Will to go and travel, but not to bother coming back. We lost contact as the years went on I guess"

"Wow, I didn't think your Dad was so.. like that"

"He wants his children to be successful. Anyway, him and Will should get along fine now, did he tell you what he does?"

Casey shakes her head

"He's in the Army"

"Really? Wow, I didn't think that! Is he on leave?"

"Yep, has been for the last couple of months. He told me Mom was very worried about him when he was out fighting"

"I can see why. Army's dangerous. I thank God you're a lawyer, at least you don't get shot at... much"

"That was barely even an experience. They had Connors killed in 2 days"

"You were shot and put in WPP how is that not an experience. Anyway, you being shot is how we met.."

"Yes, I still thank Liz that she thought I was incapable of doing my job alone so she hired some White Collar lawyer to help"

"Some White Collar lawyer?"

"I believe that's what I screamed at Liz when she told me I was incapable of doing the job alone. I was adamant that I'd be fine, that was until I saw you"

"Aww, was it love at first sight?"

"Love, maybe. Lust... definitely. You are beautiful. When you walked into my office I swear I nearly swallowed my tongue.."

"So what took you so long to ask me out?"

"I wanted to be in full working order before I asked you" I move my arm and she smiles as I continue

"I think Mom liked you before you both even met"

"Why?"

"I talked about you, a lot. To the extent where when I called, one of the first things she'd ask is how you were"

"Oh my God" she smiles "so you really did like me"

"What?"

"Well, I kinda got the impression you didn't really like me when I first started"

"I liked you, believe me. I think that may have been me trying to play it cool"

She chuckles "You're not as smooth as I thought"

I'm thankful for the conversation because it took my mind off everything, just in them moments. It doesn't last long..

"I'm going to miss her so much Case"

"I know baby" she runs her thumb over my knuckles "we'll all miss her"

"I know she was scared Case, I get it but... I just wish she would've said something"

"Al, we need to accept that this is what she wanted. She didn't want help, she wanted this and I know it's hard for us but she didn't want our view of her to change. She was a strong woman and she died that way. Cherish what time you had with her. Looking back on why she didn't say anything will make you crazy"

"You're right" I stand and offer her my hand helping her to her feet "let's go. We'll come back tomorrow"

"You sure?"

I nod and keep her hand in mine "I'm sure, I want to spend the evening with the others. Andi needs us"

"She's afraid she looked silly when she cried during her reading"

We sit into the car and I sigh "I think it'd be weird if she didn't cry.."

"So do I but it's how she feels. I'll talk to her later"

"She hasn't eaten much the last couple of days. She told me she wasn't hungry at dinner yesterday"

Casey starts driving back towards home and we listen to random songs play as we drive

"I'll talk to her about not eating too" Casey says the closer we get to home and I check my cell hearing it beep

"We have a message from her. Her and the rest have gone for dinner. She said we can join them if we want?"

"It's your choice" she smiles softly and I nod

"We'll go. Oh and Case? Thank you for talking to Andi, it's one less thing I'm worried about"

"No problem Al" she squeezes my hand and moves it back to the steering wheel

I'm so thankful to have such a supportive family. Casey especially. I really would be lost without her.


	8. Chapter 8

I lay in one of many spare rooms of Daddy's house two weeks after the burial. He doesn't want to leave, claiming shutting up the house would be a bad thing and if it was summer he'd come to the city with us.

Casey's been great, she's staying with me when she can but on weekdays she has to go back to the city, both for her work and Andi's school.

I miss her, a lot, especially at night but I'm thankful she'll be here tomorrow with me.

I'm just asleep when I hear his footsteps down the hall and I shoot from bed. I crack open the door and see him walking towards the living room

I follow, naturally enough and when I get down I see him sitting on the couch, what appears to whiskey in hand.

He's not sleeping, not just tonight. In general. I know he isn't, most nights I hear him either up or watching television in his bedroom

"Daddy?" I say gently, not to frighten him and he turns and smiles sadly at me

"Baby. Come sit" he pats the couch and I sit in "You not asleep yet Al?"

I smile "I'm in my 40's now Daddy, you can't give me a bedtime"

He smiles and pulls me in close "I'm just worried about you princess"

Princess, it's been years since I've heard that. I forgot how much I liked the affectionate name

"I'm worried about you. You're not sleeping"

"Clearly neither are you" he answers quickly and I shake my head, he has an answer for everything

"Daddy, I sleep a good bit. Every night I hear you up. It's okay, I'm not going to force you to sleep or anything but you should talk to me"

He takes a mouthful of his drink and nods "You're right, I'm not sleeping. It's hard Al, I mean I'm so used to having her beside me. It's not the same without her there"

I can't imagine what it'd be like to never have Casey by my side, to never hold her again, poor Daddy.

I take his drink from his hand and set it on the table

"C'mon"

I stand from the couch and he stays sitting picking up his drink again and finishing it down "C'mon, where exactly?"

"You have nobody beside you, neither have I. Lie with me. Do ya remember when I had a nightmare as a kid and when I came in crying you used to come in and lie with me until I fell asleep, that was the safest I've ever felt. Well, these last few weeks have been one big nightmare, come lie with me"

He smiles sadly "You know I see what you're doing right?"

I smile and take his hand helping him up from the couch "I know, but at least we might get some sleep tonight"

"I love you Alex, so much. I'd be lost without you sweetheart" He pulls me into a hug and I bury into him

"Love you too Daddy"

xx

"Mama!" Andi calls wrapping me into a hug and I pull her close

"Baby, I missed you. How was school?"

Casey smiles proudly "She got 95% in her Economics test"

"Mom!" Andi groan embarrassed and I smile

Daddy cuts in before I get the chance "Don't sound so embarrassed Andi, you're excelling in your schooling. I'm delighted to hear you're doing better than your Mother at her age"

I scoff "I believe if you dig out my reports I was doing very well at And's age. 95% was the norm for me"

"I bet it was" Casey smirks "Count yourself lucky Andi that you didn't get my school work ethic.."

"You should hear some of the stories this one tells me" I gesture to Case and Daddy laughs as Andi exclaims

"Tell me! What stories!"

Casey bites her lip "Alex, don't" she warns and Andi turns to Casey

"Mom! Please tell me, c'mon I'm 17-"

"And still not old enough to hear it" I smile "I only heard it in my 30's, you're still not old enough, you have a few to wait years"

She sighs "I'm not a baby, I probably know all this stuff already"

"Good, you don't need to hear it then" Casey says and Andi grumbles as carries her and Casey's bag to their rooms and I pull Casey in close, kissing her briefly "I missed you"

"I missed you too Al" she looks around and notices Daddy gone with Andi "How's he? Any... For lack of a more of appropriate word, better?"

"A little. I laid with him last night and he slept. He didn't wake until around 8"

She slips her hand into mine "And you, are you alright? Have you slept, honestly?"

"Honestly, not really.." I admit and she runs her hand over my back

"It's okay. Tonight I'll be here"

I smile, she knows I miss her beside me and for that I can't be more thankful

We go to the living room and turn on the tv, some movie on that really only Andi has interest in

We all sit in a comfortable silence as the film plays out and after the two hour duration Andi excuses herself to bed. Daddy follows suit not long after and I know he's just doing it to give me and Casey some time together.

We flick through the tv and with nothing on we decide to go up to bed. On the way to our room I hear Andi talking quietly from her room. I stop at the door alerting Casey, who stops too.

We both listen and I can barely make out what she's saying

"I know... Yes Char, of course I want to come but I told you I'm not in the city... Maybe I don't want to go back.. I want to stay with my family Char... Yes I do care! Ya know what, let's just leave it until Monday, I'm sorry I can't go"

Casey raises an eyebrow and I shrug "You ever hear of a 'Char' before?"

"No, I haven't.. I think our daughter may be hiding something from us"she says and I take her hand walking towards our room

"She'll tell us when she's ready"

"You think she's dating this girl?" Casey asks and I smirk

"'Char' could be a boy, Charlie.."

"Or it could be Charlie for a girl"

"Let's trust that she knows what's best and give her time"

"If she was gay she'd tell us though, right? Like, we're hardly going to judge her"

I smile looking Casey over, she looks really concerned

"Sweetheart I had about 5 girlfriends before I came out to my parents, who knew since I was like 8 by the way"

"That's not helping" she smiles and as she gets into bed I pull her close, taking advantage of having her close

"She'll talk to us when everything's sorted in her head. Give her time... Anyway, it could be a boy"

Although 'Char' sounds quite feminine.. Of course I won't say that to my already wired wife


	9. Chapter 9

"So, And.." I say the next morning as me and her eat cereal on the couch "you wanna tell me anything?"

"...um.. I don't know?" She keeps eating and I leave down my bowl onto the coffee table, causing her to turn and face me

"Mama, you're dancing around a something.. What's going on? Did I do something I shouldn't have?"

I smirk slightly "The fact you have to ask worries me slightly but no, it's not anything you've done. Baby, your Mother and I heard you on the phone when we were in the room last night"

"Okay?"

"See, we kinda want to ask.. who were you talking to?"

"Why? What's the problem Mama.. I know it was late-"

"-Not that And, just if you wanted to go to the city I wouldn't mind if you went in. You should enjoy yourself"

She scowls "How much exactly did you and Mom listen to exactly?"

"Andi, we weren't listening on purpose.." We were. Let's tell a white lie here in her best interest "..we didn't hear much but you said about going to the city, you know you don't need to stay here. I have your Mom here so if you did want to go.."

"I don't. That's what I said last night if you listened long enough" she snaps and I snap back

"Andrea, don't talk to me like that. I'm trying to talk to you here-"

"-Yeah well butt out. There's a reason I went to bed to make the phone call, if I wanted you to know, I'd tell you"

I sigh as she walks away and as she storms out Casey walks in, a look of complete shock on her face as she nearly collides with the angry girl

"What's going on there?"

I roll my eyes "She's just angry we listened to her conversation"

"Oh? Is she gay?"

I laugh slightly at her bluntness and then my mood changes back to a mix of anger and sadness "I don't know, she wouldn't give me the chance to ask"

There's a heavy silence and after a minute I wipe away a tear rolling down my cheek and she looks me over

"Sweetheart, don't cry" she offers in the softest of voices and I shake my head

"I'm being an idiot, it's just.. When did she grow so apart from us? When did I stop knowing who my daughter is? I mean, that girl, I know nothing about her!"

Casey shakes her head and walks over to me "You're not being an idiot Al. See, Andi... she hasn't cried once since the funeral. I think she's using anger as her way of grieving, it explains the snappiness lately. Now, I know for a fact you hardly slept last night and you look beyond tired, come back to bed and lie with me for a while"

I nod into her and she leads me to the bedroom, my eyes shut before my head even hits the pillow.

xx

"-You know she cried today because of how you made her feel?! I get it Andi, you're upset, we all are, but you better sort yourself out! Your Mother is dealing with so much now, she doesn't need you adding shit to her plate"

I sit up hearing her 'hushed' scolding and she continues

"You are to treat your Mother better than this Andi. She does everything she can for you, we both do and she needs us now, so stop being a little ass and support her instead of upsetting her"

"I wouldn't have upset her if she hadn't butted into my life!-"

"-I don't care what she did! She's your Mother, no matter what she wants to know you'll tell her because that's how this works! You don't know the half of it with her, how upset she is. She's hardly sleeping, she's barely eating. You get two days a week with her while she's here, stop making them hell for her. Start treating her with respect Andi, I mean it"

I lay back down as the door opens and I even out my breaths, not wanting whichever one of them came in to think I was listening

I hear light footsteps on the hard wood floor and after a second I feel her hand gently caress my cheek

"Mama, I'm sorry. Mom's right I should be treating you better. I couldn't imagine loosing you or Mom so what you must be going through.. I'm sorry I made you cry"

I feel her lay in beside me and I shift slightly taking another deep breath, slowly in and out, convincing her I'm fast asleep.

Her head rests against my shoulder and I hear her start talking again, this time in a much more unsteady voice

"I was talking to Charlotte.. S-She's my, um.. well, girlfriend, I think, I hope. We're fighting.."

She stays quiet for a minute listening to my breaths and I hear her sigh

"You probably can't even hear me this is pointless. Even so, it's easier to say all this now when you're asleep, kinda a warm up I guess.."

She pulls the duvet tighter around us and continues

"I'm gay, don't ask me why I didn't tell you and Mom, I just.. it took me some time to deal with it, I'm not a homophobe or anything, obviously but I always thought I liked boys you know? I was really shocked when I wanted to kiss Charlotte. She's really sweet ya know and she helped me a lot when everything was happening with Nana.. I fucked up Mom and I don't even know what I really did.."

I remind myself to talk to her about her language later but wait for her to continue, which she does

"She's angry because I'm not spending time with her. It's not even at the weekends, she understands that, or at least I think she does, its in school. See, there's this other girl, Anna and well, I'm becoming close to her. I'm not into her or anything, but Char' doesn't see it that way. She jealous and usually that's hot but now it's weird and possessive and really bringing out the worst in her. I love her, and it's not some childish 'I love you' after an hour of being together, it's real Mama.. I don't want to fight with her but I need to have friends too. I don't know what to do"

"Tell her"

She jumps at my words "God! Mama was that necessary!? You terrified me! How long were you awake?"

I squeeze her hand and pull her in close, closer than she already is

"A while, I heard enough. Andi, you need to tell Charlotte everything you told me...That's what your Mom did when I got jealous"

"You got jealous? Of who?"

"Olivia"

"Aunt Olivia! Oh my God! Why?"

I smile at the girls excitement "Just did, I had some crazy idea that your Mom and her were going to run off together, it was insane. Your Mom made that very clear to me that it was insane and that she had the right to have friends too, we were okay after that. If you love her you'll do whatever you can to make it right. Call her tell her you'll go to the city and talk to her later, let her know that she's all you need and all that crap, as women we love to hear that"

She bursts into laughter and it continues to the point where she's in tears "Oh God Mama that was excellent. I'll just.. not tell Mom you said that"

"Ah, I raised you right" I smile and ruffle her hair "I love you Andi. I always want you to feel like you can come to me, about anything okay? Big or small, day or night, I'm here. Both me and your Mom are here. Please, don't hold everything in"

"Okay Mama. Love you too"

xx

AN: Okay, I uploaded this now because I won't get to update in the next 24hrs. It's 1am here and I'm still writing, that's dedication to a story and it's loyal readers/reviewers.

Thanks so much for the reviews and I'd love if some more of you could offer feedback, as I said it encourages me to write and it's just really nice to read, please, drop some feedback! Thank you!


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Hi! I actually didn't think I'd get to write much this week and I wasn't planning it, that is until I got a bug, ugh. So, I'm not sure how wonderful this chapter is because I'm wired on some horrible medicine but ya know, that's life.

Anyway, thank you so much for the reviews/support. And here's the chapter!

xx

I hit play on the mix tape in the old radio in Mom and Dad's room. Dads asked me to sort through some stuff of Mom's, clothes, photos, jewellery, stuff like that.

I smile sifting through the boxes. I find the cardigan Mom wore everyday since the Saint Patricks Day Parade in the City last year, the pearl necklace she always forced me to wear to the Gala's, Will's old photo album from camp. Me, bundles and bundles of photos of me.

She has documented my life, every moment. I can sense the pride she had in me radiating from the photos. I spend what feels like hours looking through the photos and then the tape ends and I switch sides

I press play and as the opening bars of the song play my heart shatters to pieces. Mom used to make me sing this for her friends when I was growing up, I guess I can sing but I'll just keep that to myself

As the lyrics start I find myself singing along, hearing a soft tone I haven't heard properly in a long time

_Spend all your time waiting_

_for that second chance_

_for a break that would make it okay_

_there's always some reason_

_to feel not good enough_

_and it's hard at the end of the day_

_I need some distraction_

_oh beautiful release_

_memories seep from my veins_

_let me be empty_

_and weightless and maybe_

_I'll find some peace tonight_

_in the arms of the angel_

_fly away from here_

_from this dark cold hotel room_

_and the endlessness that you fear_

_you are pulled from the wreckage_

_of your silent reverie_

_you're in the arms of the angel_

_may you find some comfort here_

I wrap her cardigan around my shoulders and keep looking through the photos as the melody continues, I love this song and I swear I haven't heard it in years

_so tired of the straight line_

_and everywhere you turn_

_there's vultures and thieves at your back_

_and the storm keeps on twisting_

_you keep on building the lies_

_that you make up for all that you lack_

_it don't make no difference_

_escaping one last time_

_it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh_

_this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees_

I'm swatting away tears by this point but my voice is still steady and sobs wrack my body as sob out the last chorus

_in the arms of the angel_

_fly away from here_

_from this dark cold hotel room_

_and the endlessness that you fear_

_you are pulled from the wreckage_

_of your silent reverie_

_you're in the arms of the angel_

_may you find some comfort here_

_you're in the arms of the angel_

_may you find some comfort here_

I bury into the cardigan and lay against the side of the bed and after a minute it feel her hand on my shoulder

"Alex"

I can't face her, I don't want to for fear that if I do I'll just breakdown

Up until now, sure I've been devastated, but this is different. I feel so... lost.

She wraps her arms around me from behind

"That song was amazing, I mean, truly stunning. You're voice is just gorgeous.. You never said you could sing?"

I smile sadly, still facing the wall "I tend not to. It was something I only did when I was young"

"Why? With a voice like that.."

I smile through my still falling tears "It's something Mom took pride in, did I tell you I was made sing a lot as a kid?"

"No, but babe, in honesty with a voice like that it's no wonder.."

"Casey, I feel like I have no one. I know it's ridiculous, I have you and Andi and Daddy but.. it's not the same. I-I.. miss Mom"

"Baby, that's normal. You've lost your Mom, obviously you'll be lost. Listen to me, I know this will take a lot of time to process and even then you're still going to miss her but I'm here. I can't speak for the others but morning, noon or night Al, whenever you need me I'm here. I know it's hard when I'm in the city but you can call at anytime baby. Please don't ever feel alone. Face me Al, please"

I turn to her and she places a gentle kiss against my lips

"I'm here for you baby, so cry, kick or scream at me, do whatever you need to do. It's okay"

I wrap my arms tighter around her and she shifts slightly and pulls me into her lap

"It's alright to be upset. For the last couple of weeks you've been strong for everyone else, you need to grieve too"

I nod into her and she smooths back my hair as I reply

"I think I need to go home"

"Home? As in the city?"

I pull back from her and stand to my feet "Yeah. I need to go home, this evening when you and Andi are going back I'm gonna come too. And work! I'm going to work tomorrow-"

She grabs my wrist as I go to leave the room

"Sweetheart is that a good idea? I mean, it's very soon-"

"I can make my own choices Case. I'm going to work. Now, I need to talk to Daddy, can you start packing for me?"

She falters for a minute and then nods "Uh, sure, no problem" she kisses my cheek and we go our separate ways down the hall

xx

"Bye Daddy" I pull him into a hug and he kisses my cheek

"Talk to you tomorrow sweetheart, I'll call alright?"

I nod and kiss him back "Bye. Speak then"

We travel home in silence and as I walk into the living room, bags in hand I can't help but sigh, I'm home.

I'm really glad to be back, as much as I wanted to stay and keep Daddy company I'm happy to be home

I drop my bag to the bedroom and when I get downstairs I find Andi and Casey sitting on the couch watching tv, a glass of wine sitting waiting for me

I smile and as sit in between the pair and I drink down a large gulp of the wine

I moan as the the cool liquid flows down my throat and Casey slips her arm around my waist

"You alright?"

I kiss her cheek "I'm just fine baby"


	11. Chapter 11

AN: This is the last chapter so I'd just like to thank you all for the support. Id ask you to follow me if you haven't already and keep an eye out for stories you'd like. Thanks.

xx

It's three months later and the pain is just as bad as if it happened yesterday.

God, I miss her, so much. We all do. Daddy has his good and bad days, he's lonely during the days and I call over as much as I can.

Work, was far from wonderful. At the start I was far too stressed for my own good, working too hard. Liz pulled me aside and gave me some time off, which really worked. I'm back fighting fit again.

There's a knock on my office door and I look up as she walks in

"Baby, you ready to go?"

I look to my watch "Oh, Case, sorry I didn't realise the time. Can you give me a couple of minutes, I'll just finish this-"

"Take your time babe, Andi's show isn't until 7"

I nod and keep writing as she reads the book she's pulled from her purse

After around twenty minutes we're walking out the office door hand in hand

"So, how was your day?" I ask and she shrugs

"Good, same as normal. You?"

"Not bad" I smile "excited for Andi's show"

"Can you believe she's so grown up? Our baby's taking lead in her school show" she shakes her head "it feels like yesterday she was in her kindergarten show"

"She was very nervous this morning. I hope she's okay"

Casey kisses my cheek as we sit into the car "Oh baby, you shouldn't worry. Our daughter is amazing and just as good a singer as her Mother" she squeezes my hand "I should've known she'd gotten it from somewhere"

I roll my eyes "You're extremely sweet"

"Only for you"

I run my hand over her thigh

"You know, we always have" I check my watch "an hour before we HAVE to start getting ready.. How about some alone time?"

She smirks and kisses me "I love your line of thought. Let's go!"

xx

I smile as the girl starts singing, her voice floating through the large hall

The sweet melody is like velvet and as she hits the first chorus, Casey slips her hand into mine

"She's amazing" I whisper and Casey nods

"Perfect. Just like you.."

The song plays out and her fabulous tone slowly ends

The room erupts in applause and at that moment I couldn't be any prouder. My daughter is nothing short of amazing.

Casey kisses my cheek and we enjoy the rest of the show

xx

"Mama? Can you, uh, tuck me in?"

I smile and Casey glances to me from our position on the couch and I shrug

As I walk into her bedroom she throws me a half smile

"You really thought it was good tonight?" Andi asks showing her lack of confidence and I kiss her cheek as I hand her her blanket, which she pulls around her

"Sweetheart, you were excellent. You don't realise how proud we were watching you up there"

"Really?" She smirks, making me smile in return

"Yes baby, your Mother and I were beaming. By far the proudest people in that room"

There's a silence between us for a moment and I see her face change

"Mama?" She asks and I shift in my seat

"Yeah baby?"

"Nana.. I- I really miss her lately. More than usual"

I smile sadly and smooth her hair back "It's normal And trust me. I miss her too, everyday"

She leans in close to me and I wrap my arms around her as I continue

"Baby, it's alright to miss her. I know you've never experienced a loss like this before and it's really different and challenging, but you need to know that eventually, after a long while we'll be able to think back on her with nothing but happiness and good memories. It won't always be sadness"

She nods into me and kisses my cheek

"I love you Mama"

"I love you too sweetheart. Listen, how about tomorrow since me and your Mom are off work we call out to the grave?"

"I'd love that Mama, thank you"

"No problem baby. Get a good nights sleep alright?"

"Will do, love you Mama"

"Love you baby, g'night"

I close in her door and walk down to the living room, finding Casey in the same place on the couch

"She okay?" She asks and I nod sitting into her lap

"Fine, just wanted to chat to me about Mom"

"Oh?"

I smile sadly "She misses her, a lot. I told her we'd go to the grave in the morning if you don't mind?"

"Of course not baby, maybe after we can bring your Dad out for dinner? Get him out of the house?"

I pull her into a kiss "That sounds perfect.. I love you ya know that?"

"I think you showed me just how much you loved me earlier" she winks and I take her hand

"I think round two is in order" I suggest and she raises and eyebrow

"Uh, Andi's here?"

"I'm aware.. We just need to keep quiet"

She scoffs as I kick the bedroom door shut "Us? Quiet, you're joking right?"

"We can try"

I smirk and she begins her assault of kisses down my neck, causing me to moan

"Oh yeah" she pulls back "that's quiet"

I laugh and wrap my arms around her waist "C'mon, let's just sleep, you're right we can't be quiet"

She giggles as we get into bed and as she pulls me into her arms I feel the safest I've felt in weeks. I turn and face her and when her eyes meet mine I realise she's everything I'll need, my wife, my lover, my support.


End file.
